Newly engaged, we decided on Memorial Day not to go out to Colorado and that Dave-Man should take a job in north-eastern Michigan. It was the right choice for us, but it left me alone working my summer job, trying to plan a wedding by myself.
At this point is when God really started to shake things up. I say this because the troubles for the next six months were his way of bringing our issues to the surface and having us work through them. Only when you see the darkest parts of yourself, can you also see the brilliant light of Christ.
Dave-Man pulled completely away from me. Past hurts and baggage from his childhood prevented him from wanting to be vulnerable. He realized marriage meant letting someone into the deepest and most intimate parts of his heart. He joked about his “heart of stone” — that he couldn’t love. How can anyone walk toward marriage with a heart of stone?
A month before the planned wedding date we called it off and that Labor Day weekend came and I moved into the apartment we had planned on moving into as newly-weds alone. I took a huge leap of faith and moved out of my hometown, 3 hours north, alone and hoped we could work out whatever was going on with us. A week after moving, I got a graphic design internship. It was an obvious sign from God that he would provide for me in this new home.
This is when I learned that in loneliness there is only one to turn to. I found the only one who can comfort and who truly anchors your life is always there for you. That He is faithful through the darkest night and joy will come with the morning. It is an important lesson for a woman to learn that her desire for love can only be fulfilled by her heavenly Father and that no earthly man will ever be able to fill that giant need for love.
One night I was struggling and searching for comfort in the psalms. I was reading Psalm 27 — The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? — as I reached the end of the passage what I can only explain as the Holy Spirit finished the psalm for me in an audible voice: I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!
In that moment I knew that God promised me joy and peace during my life even though the current times were so hard.
To be continued…
This isn’t a very cheery part of our story, but it is an important and crucial one. Without these hard times, we would have had a pretty miserable first year of marriage. It was so good for us to work through these problems. I promise the next part will be less dreary.